When the Mind Draws a Blank... realization of a not so happy anniversary...

Dear Dictaphone,

I had thoughts this morning. All sorts of thoughts. And I distinctly remember thinking "Oh, that would be fun to blog about!" a few times. So I took care of various Responsibilities (because they are Important) and made sure I had things prepared for doing whatever it was that I was going to do this morning. And then... nothing.

My mind has gone more or less blank. It's rather frustrating, really. I actually have time to do something like binge-watch something on Netflix or Amazon, or knit, or both, or whatever, and what happens? Nothing. Can't settle on a project, can't settle on a show. Okay, so I have my computer on and running and hey, how about I blog about that Thing that I Thought earlier! And... nothing.

So I'm listening to Pandora again. It took three or four stations until I found one that works for my apparent mood (or lack thereof). It's based on "Linger", by the Cranberries. Seems I'm in a late 90's alternative mood today. Which really, when you think about it, explains everything. Because anyone who knew me then is more than fully aware that focus and proper decision making were not hallmarks of that time for me! But man... good times were had.

I lived in Denver, then moved to Iowa. And Experienced more Life in those years than the ones before or after.

That's when I met Kittie.

Dear God. Now I know what's wrong.

This week... is the 10 year anniversary of the loss of the best friend I ever had. My other half. My other me.

It's also the 10 year anniversary of my second miscarriage.... that happened while she was in a coma.

They unplugged her on May 2nd...

For the record, you never stop hurting. You never stop missing them. It's not as bad or persistent as it was before. But it's there.

I guess that's why this music is stuck in my soul today. It was the music of our far too short time together. It was the music of concerts we went to, parties we hosted... Man, those were good times.

Thankfully, I have new friends. I've had more experiences. I have other things to look forward to. Going to meet the Second-Most-Awesome-Person-In-The-Multiverse for coffee shortly, because she's great like that. It helps, because she's still, you know, alive and stuff.

So hey, Kittie? I love you. And I miss you. And Linger finally came on my playlist... and the words, well, they're appropriate. I always was a fool for (and with) you.

Any of you drinking sorts... Take time this week to raise a glass in memory of an amazing woman whose life was cut far too short. She didn't drink, but she liked laughing at people who did.

And just to keep this from ending on a depressing note, I give you Pictures of Vicious Attack Guard Dogs.

Share the love, peeps.

#CancerSucks #Leukemia #Miscarriage #SadSongs #PuppyLove #GoodFriends

Props to Biggby in Sparta (aka - Coffee Happiness and entertaining music)

Dear Dictaphone,

Today I find myself hanging out at Biggby Coffee in Sparta. Had a couple hours I had to kill outside the house, and a computer to work on, so I figured, hey, why not? The people here are friendly, and most importantly, they are a Major Supplier of Caffeine for Ingestion. All that, and they have WiFi too! And power outlets, which help when Various Electronic Devices (other dictaphones) require replenishment.

So I'm sitting here, drinking my Super Mocha Caramel with two extra shots, watching one laptop run updates, and listening to the music play. I asked the Notorious Nicole* if they pick their own Music, and was informed that this is what gets sent through by corporate. Corporate has good taste. Perky upbeat fun stuff. Which particularly works for me because yesterday I discovered that the song "I can see clearly now" when plugged into Pandora, will return a music list that has oodles of 50's bubble gum pop and other reggae infused and similar fun stuff. Apparently I'm in the mood for light perky but not completely without substance music.

So if you see me today, and I'm at least remotely semi-conscious, you can credit that to my local coffee shop.

*nicknames are completely my own fault, I do not know if Nicole is indeed Notorious or not, but it sounded good, and I will now remember her name whenever I see her.

Also, the awesome image is copyrighted to the person who created it. I have it linked to the source. I like it, but it is not of my creation.

Bedazzled Cowboy Hats and Squeezing Christians

Dear Dictaphone,

I fell asleep last night to an episode of Boy Meets World. I woke up to... Shawn Michaels (yes, the wrestler) giving his testimony on a religious show. I already know his story, and it's a wonderful story with a happy ending (so far, because in the words of the immortal Monty Python, "He's not dead yet!"). However at the insane hour of five-dog-trying-to-push-me-out-of-bed-why-didn't-I-set-the-coffee-maker-last-night-thirty am, seeing a wrestler in what looks like a crazy bedazzled cowboy hat that his daughter must have picked out for him (because I don't care how many times you've been the World Champion, if your baby girl tells you to wear a bedazzled cowboy hat on a religious show, you will wear a bedazzled cowboy hat on a religious show) giving his testimony of faith next to whatshisface Robison, I'm guaranteed to question whether I'm really awake.

This run-on sentence brought to you by I Couldn't Wait To Start Reading Chrysoula Tzavelas' New Book So I Was Up Late Even Though I Knew I Had To Be Up Early To Wake Up My Kid and Again Why Didn't I Set The Coffee Maker Last Night. I make no apologies.

It was followed by Joyce Meyer talking about no matter how pretty a Christian is on the outside, you don't know what they're really like until you squeeze them.

Oh dear.

I hope this isn't a sign of what the day is going to bring.

Please go ahead and look up his story. It's pretty darned inspiring. Shawn Michaels, not Robison. People should read Chrysoula's stories too. All of them. And no, I don't have links. If you can read this, you should be able to Google for yourself. I haven't had any coffee yet.

OFF WITH HER HEAD!

Dear Dictaphone,

I woke up to white stuff on my car. First thought was "Why the hell did someone use a fire extinguisher on my car?". Then I realized it was Ice Lord Vomit. AKA snow. Seriously? At that point I went into full Queen of Hearts mode, and declared that I'd had it with Mother Nature, " OFF WITH HER HEAD!" Because seriously, really? I live in the northern part of the country, I get that. But this is still ridiculous.

Also noteworthy, all of this happened around 7:30, BC (before coffee).

Went to the store for random things that don't self-resupply, as much as that may surprise my children. At the checkout told the story of my moment from this morning to the cashiers (who know me oh so well). And happily saw that my groceries were being put in reusable cloth bags. Because it's Earth Day and Family Fare is giving them away until they run out.

When I got home (and had finished my coffee) everything clicked.

It's Earth Day. Apparently Mother Nature opted to use Her day to play a prank on humanity. Because hey, why not? Well played.

And the sun is shining, sort of, and it's all melting. So that's good.

Ice Lords vomited on my car last night.