Thursday, April 30, 2015

When the Mind Draws a Blank... realization of a not so happy anniversary...

Dear Dictaphone,

I had thoughts this morning. All sorts of thoughts. And I distinctly remember thinking "Oh, that would be fun to blog about!" a few times. So I took care of various Responsibilities (because they are Important) and made sure I had things prepared for doing whatever it was that I was going to do this morning. And then... nothing.

My mind has gone more or less blank. It's rather frustrating, really. I actually have time to do something like binge-watch something on Netflix or Amazon, or knit, or both, or whatever, and what happens? Nothing. Can't settle on a project, can't settle on a show. Okay, so I have my computer on and running and hey, how about I blog about that Thing that I Thought earlier! And... nothing.

So I'm listening to Pandora again. It took three or four stations until I found one that works for my apparent mood (or lack thereof). It's based on "Linger", by the Cranberries. Seems I'm in a late 90's alternative mood today. Which really, when you think about it, explains everything. Because anyone who knew me then is more than fully aware that focus and proper decision making were not hallmarks of that time for me! But man... good times were had.

I lived in Denver, then moved to Iowa. And Experienced more Life in those years than the ones before or after.

That's when I met Kittie.

Dear God. Now I know what's wrong.

This week... is the 10 year anniversary of the loss of the best friend I ever had. My other half. My other me.

It's also the 10 year anniversary of my second miscarriage.... that happened while she was in a coma.

They unplugged her on May 2nd...

For the record, you never stop hurting. You never stop missing them. It's not as bad or persistent as it was before. But it's there.

I guess that's why this music is stuck in my soul today. It was the music of our far too short time together. It was the music of concerts we went to, parties we hosted... Man, those were good times.

Thankfully, I have new friends. I've had more experiences. I have other things to look forward to. Going to meet the Second-Most-Awesome-Person-In-The-Multiverse for coffee shortly, because she's great like that. It helps, because she's still, you know, alive and stuff.

So hey, Kittie? I love you. And I miss you. And Linger finally came on my playlist... and the words, well, they're appropriate. I always was a fool for (and with) you.

Any of you drinking sorts... Take time this week to raise a glass in memory of an amazing woman whose life was cut far too short. She didn't drink, but she liked laughing at people who did.

And just to keep this from ending on a depressing note, I give you Pictures of Vicious Attack Guard Dogs.

Share the love, peeps.

#CancerSucks #Leukemia #Miscarriage #SadSongs #PuppyLove #GoodFriends


  1. I'm sorry for your loss. Couldn't imagine life without my BF. Here's to you and Kitties friendship. Cheers. 🍹🍷🍻😁

  2. I'm sorry for your loss. Couldn't imagine life without my BF. Here's to you and Kitties friendship. Cheers. 🍹🍷🍻😁